Inside Philippine politics & beyond

Alan’s cock-eyed take on papal polls

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Living with a humorist, I’m always prepared to hear the unexpected twist to downright serious topics.

Alan was meaning to write about something else for his humor column this week. But when Pope B16 abruptly resigned, Alan simply had to write about this first. And so he did –

Imagine a Papal election, Philippine style

Hot Manila – by Alan Robles

FYI, the country’s official election campaign period started this Tuesday. I’m pointing it out in case you missed the significance of cars driving up and down your streets blasting cretinous jingles and slogans through huge loudspeakers. You might have HEARD them but you might not have SEEN them, because your view was obstructed by all the posters, banners and tarps of candidates that have been attached to your barangay’s walls, posts, gates, sidewalks, pushcarts, tricycles, ambulant vendors, pet dogs, etc, since December.

Phenomena like this make us think of fundamental questions about democracy. Questions such as: which candidate should I vote? Is it legal to deface or set fire to posters? Preferably both? What’s the best way to wreck a sound truck without being caught?

The last three questions have often crossed my mind. I should ask poll Chairman Sixto Brillantes about it on Twitter.

To read the rest of Alan’s article, please click on this link.

 

Comments

  1. The REAL reason why Pope Benedict VI has opted to step down seems to have become even more intriguing.

    According to La Repubblica, which is considered the second most popular newspaper in Italy, Benedict received a nearly 300-page dossier in December last year. That confidential report which was commissioned by Benedict himself and written by a trio of cardinals charged that certain Vatican officials are “heavily influenced” by several lobby groups within the Vatican itself . . . supposedly including a very powerful gay one.

    In hindsight, has blackmail recently entered the picture as an offshoot of a gay prostitution ring scandal that tainted the Vatican in 2010? Among the four Vatican insiders arrested by Italian police that year was Angelo Balducci, an engineer who was at the time a board member of Italy’s public works department and a construction consultant to the Holy See. Balducci was also a member of an elite group called “Gentlemen of His Holiness” . . . special ushers who serve in the Vatican’s Apostolic Palace on special occasions such as when the pope receives heads of state or presides at major events

    Which now begs the question: WHO was the HIGHEST RANKING Vatican figure among those for whom the reportedly ultra high-priced male prostitutes were procured?

  2. Hakot:

    A boon for tourism for recession plagued Italy. What if ambitious Cardinals brought along their own countrymen to show support before the start of the Cardinals’ sequestration at the Sistine Chapel?

    Will there be a prayer rally at each section of Saint Peter’s Square? Instead of political speeches and celebrity entertainments – Philippines elections style, who ever has the longest, unique and reverberating prayer vigils to knock down heaven’s doors to pick on their compatriot as the next Pope? OR can it be mistaken for a Catholic uprising at the square? A parade of self flagellations or crucifixions.

    —

    Papal campaigning on
    (The Philippine Star)
    Updated February 14, 2013 – 12:00am

    VATICAN CITY – It’s a political campaign like no other, with no declared candidates or front-runners and a well-adhered-to taboo against openly gunning for the job.

    …

    One African contender declared Tuesday it was time for a Third World pope – and said he was free if God wanted him.

    Berlin’s archbishop urged mercy for the victor, given the terrible weight of the office, while Mexico City Cardinal Norberto Rivera asked for prayers so that the best man might win.

    It’s all part of the ritual of picking a pope, the mysterious process that takes place behind closed doors at the Sistine Chapel, where 117 or so cardinals under age 80 vote in next month’s conclave.

    Once sequestered, they cast secret ballots until they reach a two-thirds majority and elect a new leader of the world’s 1.2 billion Catholics, sending up smoke signals from the chapel’s chimney to tell the world if they have failed (black) or succeeded (white).

    In the run-up to the conclave, cardinals engage in a delicate dance, speaking in general terms about the qualities of a future pope and the particular issues facing the church. It’s rare for anyone to name names, much less tout himself as a candidate.

    If asked, most cardinals routinely invoke the refrain: “He who goes into a conclave a pope comes out a cardinal.”

    READ THE REST at http://www.philstar.com/headlines/2013/02/14/908583/papal-campaigning

  3. SOME INTERESTING TRIVIA ON THE POPE’S RETIREMENT

    1. The Pope will retire in a building next to a monastery in the Vatican state. Of course, he will have no more say in Papal matters when a new Pope has been elected. Or will he? Can a new Pope afford not to consult the German Shepherd? :)

    2. The Pope’s ring, as well as other materials directly linked to Benedict like the red Ferragamo shoes will be destroyed. Sayang! I thought it was one ring to rule them all! :)

    3. The retirement place for ex-Popes will be called “Too Pooped to Pope”. :)

  4. I wonder how the parish priests as coordinators will handle their campaign and making sure that the faithful will vote for their cardinal candidates. Persuasion or coercion?

  5. We cannot compare or contrast the papal conclave engendered by the recent resignation of Pope Benedict to a Philippine election. Under the Philippine milieu, there would be no election until the reigning politician dies or finishes his term. For example, unlike Pope Benedict who opted to resign at the age of 85, Senator Enrile intends to leave the senate at the age of 92 in 2013. And no one could be sure if he would refuse to run for congressman of Cagayan in 2016, especially when Enrile, Jr. loses his senatorial bid.

  6. ahahahaha “By now, everybody knows the current Pope, apparently worn out by the full-time 24/7 effort of keeping the Church intolerant, is stepping down at the end of February. ”

    I laughed until I fell asleep drooling.

    Imagine if the next Philippine President were chosen by Rome’s Rules, with a conclave of about 120 senators and representatives chosen by seniority, but no older than 80 (sorry Enrile), locked in the Senate Chamber until they agree on a President. At the conclusion, a waft of white smoke is sent aloft to the heavens to announce the completion of the task and the number of casualties lying dead on the Senate floor.

    • That white smoke from the chimney is a strange way of announcing and confirming to the world, alas we have a Pope. If it was black smoke, it means the election is still on going and no one has been chosen yet or that the one elected had refused. I read that B16 was heard to say that he was like being sent to the guillotine. Oh boy, in the PH politicians will fight tooth and nail for those votes and the voting public will see the gun smokes all over the islands. Time a changing in the Vatican while it is still time suspended Damaso era in the Republic of the PH. No hurt feelings, ahoy.

      • the senate, the chamber of secrets where everyone speaks in parsel tongue, slogging it out over the 1.6 million christmas gift. the goblet of fire spitting out the names of contestants with cardinal tagle in the fore being latest addition, running amok in his broomstick. I believe cardinal tagle can also wield and cast crime busting martilyo better than thor. if cardinal tagle becomes pope, rome will be eating balut.

    • he he he he he

      retirement age supposed to be 60 for most of the countries he he he due to necessity, a lot of able bodies dont want to retire, specially for an OFW (Overseas Field Worker) here in Saudi Arabia, Filipinos looking more than 60 and in fact 60+ are still playing around like one of the best soccer player…but in government, age limit should be maximum 58 for any seats from President down to street sweeper he he he

    • “By now, everybody knows the current Pope, apparently worn out by the full-time 24/7 effort of keeping the Church intolerant, is stepping down at the end of February. ”

      That is what you call too pooped to Pope. :)

    • I hope that in a conclave of senators, the smoke coming out is not a result of a real fire in the locked chamber, resulting to an ozone disco event.

      Depending on how these senators are perceived, will the citizens rejoice or will be sad because no president was chosen?

    • Ahahaha! I think after the gun smoke clears, we’ll find these 120 reps engaged in cat fight and shouting matches, and it would be years before getting the last man standing :)

  7. Ito po ay bukas na liham para sa:

    Pangulong Noynoy,

    Ako po ay isang pangkaraniwang mamamayang Pilipino na nagmamahal sa aking bansang Pilipinas at hindi na po makatiis sa mga ginagawang pang aabuso ng mga nanunungkulan sa senado at kongresso.

    Ito po ay tungkol kay Lolong, ang pinakasikat at pinakamalaking BUWAYA sa buong mundo. Si Lolong po ay nagbigay ng karangalan sa ating bansa dahil sa kanyang kalakihan na wala nakapantay sa buong mundo.

    Iminumungkahi kon po sana na lumikha kayo ayun sa inyong kapangyarihan ng isang EXECUTIVE ORDER/PRESIDENTIAL DECREE o anumang batas na inyong karapatan na bigyan ng KARANGALAN si LOLONG. Mungkahi ko po sana na ang pinatuyong katawan ni Lolong ay ilagay sa gusali ng BATASAN. Andun po ang kanyang mga KAMAGANAK at magiging maligaya si Lolong kung makakasama nya ang mga kaanak nya sa IISANG LUGAR. Magiging tagapagpaalala sa kanyang mga kaanak dun na si Lolong ay kanilang kalahi mula sa balat hanggang sa kaliitliitang bahagi ng kanyang katawan.

    Mahal na Pangulong Noynoy, baka sakali na matauhan ang mga kamaganak ni Lolong na hindi nila binibigyan ng karangalan ang pagiging PINAKASIKAT AT PINAKAMALAKING BUWAYA SI LOLONG SA BUONG MUNDO.

    Lalo na po ngayon nalalapit ang halalan eh baka madagdagan ang mga kamaganak ni Lolong eh lalo nang matatabunan ang kasikatan nya. Dadami na naman ang kamaganak nya sa senado at kongresso. Lalong magdudusa at magdaralita ang Bayan kong Perlas ng Silangan na pinamumugaran ng kaanak ni Lolong.

    Marami pong salamat kung mapagbibigyan nyo ang kahilingan ng aba nyong BOSS.

    • At ilagay sa lapida ang mga katagang….
      “Labis na nababahala sa hugis na itinulad sa akin ang mga taong sa gusaling ito ay madalas nananahan.”

  8. …@Alan, how right you are! Heard all these campaign truck, van, car, carromata, Suv, atbpa, all the NOISE!…didn’t get out to see the vehicle…baka mag ka alitan pa kami ng user/driver.

    Solution – IF YOU CAN..- get a right SIZE POTATO for the end of the MUFFLER, stick it inside tight. You can get a laugh when the engine turns ON. Like farting away!

    …or get about 20 pieces of sugar CUBES, roll ’em down into the GAS TANK. Bet yourself that vehicle will not be around for some months awhile…ENGINE BLOCK NEEDS OVERHAULING as everything inside is HARD STUCK UP.

    You get nice silence ….can sleep now soundly. Thanks for the FUN PAPABILITY election story.
    Our cardi.Tagle maybe can borrow our 100 PCOS machines from Comelec to bring them to Rome for use in the elections for a pope. Courtesy from PILIPINAS .