One of the perks of being married to a humorist is I get to read the funny pieces first.
Alan never ceases to amaze me with his wit. In this piece, he suggests how to use a widespread emotion to power up our homes:
Inventor wants to tap disgust as an energy source
Hot Manila – by Alan Robles
Posted at 05/17/2013 1:33 PM | Updated as of 05/17/2013 1:33 PM
A self-described inventor wants to turn national disgust into an alternative energy source.
According to Abe “Tootsie” Takeda, “if only we could harness the widespread disgust and revulsion and convert it into electricity, our energy needs would be met.”
He pointed out that “scientists are already working on ways to generate electricity from walking and other body movements, this is just another application of the same concept.”
Takeda said the idea came to him when he observed the disgust Filipinos showed shortly after the elections.
“That was around the time the Senate results were coming in and people discovered Nancy Binay was winning. It occurred to me, there’s so much disgust here! Why aren’t we using this abundant resource?”
To read the rest, please click on this link.
In the piece below, Alan was inspired by the PCOS machines of Smartmatic:
Computer AI tasked to analyze elections keeps bursting into hysterical laughter
Hot Manila – by Alan Robles
Posted at 05/11/2013 9:25 PM | Updated as of 05/11/2013 9:25 PM
An Artificial Intelligence (AI) program designed to analyze the mid-term elections keeps bursting into hysterical laughter, its designer complained yesterday.
According to Isidro Maytinola, his Total Election Comprehension and Analysis Just For You (TECAJFY) computer program suddenly started emitting sounds of “clearly mocking hilarity” shortly after it was fed a lot of data about the May 13 polls.
He explained the TECAJFY was supposed to collate, synthesize and analyze all information related to the election and national political culture and then display answers to specific questions.
The problem, Maytinola said, is that “while the program answers questions, it keeps making those nasty laughing sounds afterwards.”
To read the rest, please click on this link.
The piece below is one of my favorites:
How I Never Became A Spy
Hot Manila – by Alan Robles
Posted at 04/18/2013 5:53 PM | Updated as of 04/18/2013 5:53 PM
A few days ago, I was going through a collection of calling cards looking for a contact’s phone number when I came across a card that brought back memories. To be more exact, it brought back how I might have become a spy.
OK, not a spy. Maybe more an asset.
It happened like this. About five years ago, out of the blue, I got an email from somebody — let’s call him “Z” — who apparently was an official of an embassy in Manila. He wrote how glad he was to finally find someone like me, I was exactly the kind of person he wanted to talk to, and when could we have lunch?
To read the rest, please click on this link.
Mel says
Anger, an energy source for an unpopular President to reverse his downward ratings & to stimulate his popularity
When a nation’s ANGER brought about by the unfortunate death of a fisherman, egged by the country’s unpopular President Ma Ying-jeou (Ma’s disapproval rating, 76.6 percent; approval rating hitting its lowest point, 15.2 percent; credibility score, 21.7 percent; while 66.3 percent of respondents said they did not trust him) adds to the country’s unseasonal weather temperature. And when a Climate Change in waiting is but necessary to cool things down.
Your Abe “Tootsie” Takeda could tap into this ‘new’ energy source of the day. Not a popular mineral resource, perhaps not coveted as yet between competing neighbors in the Spratly islands or Balintang Channel (South China Sea or West Philippine Sea).
BTW, has Tootsie found a way to store the energy, for some rainy day?
—
Read also,
– @Martial Bonifacio’s comment at ‘Taiwan should “remember who its friends are,” says Manila’s former envoy to UN’.
– Former President Lee Teng-hui stated his disapproval over the Ma administration’s handling of the Taiwan-Philippines dispute in an interview yesterday. “I feel that our government has been handling this in a messier manner than Manila is. To declare war over a fisherman’s death is too extreme,” said Lee.
leona says
My DISGUST can be converted into a LASER ENERGY to zzzzzzzzzziiiiiiiPPPP to voidness people who should not have been voted to win for public office!
Check this for more Y –
http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/410359/a-rogues-gallery-of-election-winners
leona says
I SHOUT that we the People can make INITIATIVE for propose and approve laws particularly to plug such electing people not deserving to hold public offices.
macspeed says
Electricity E=Current I x Resistance R (disgusted persons), Let current I=10amperes,
and R=10persons, 1 ohm per persons,
E=10 x 10=100volts he he he, if there are 1000 CPMer’s, then say same current,
E=10 x 1000=10,000volts or 10Kvolts he he he,do we have that counts? Otherwise, we need to give chances to these neophytes to prove themselves….
Inna Egdio says
Galing! Many thanks for sharing, Raissa!
jeproks2002 says
Let us put that power surge to good use. We can start by electrifying the seats in Congress.
baycas says
Three (3) topics in one fell swoop…well, here goes…
Alan says
I am taking notes baycas
baycas says
{{{BREAKING NEWS}}}
Hmmm…
A “Boy Kuryente” and another Aquino may prove to be the rival to beat come May 2016…
baycas says
Another update…
vander anievas says
who knows.
this disgust power potential might save our seas from being encroached by intruders in search of resources and minerals.
a lot of steam is already brewing over the red bully hungry giant.
add to this the nokor factor and the new player, the now unpopular heart-throb president, whose well-educated constituents turned to ala-ASG-kfr mob.
this power potential(DIS GAS) will improve the physiques of all health-conscious citizens…:)
Cha says
“This is a country where you find widespread disgust. Filipinos are disgusted by politics, traffic, corruption, deceptive mall sales and WiFi speeds.
“You can even create it. For example, we could always ask Senator Tito Sotto to give a nationwide privilege speech.”
—–
Ahaha, the follow-up statement about Sotto is a winner.
If I may be allowed to add to the list, how about those CBCP Pastoral Letters eh?
moonie says
har, har, dont make a mistake of asking nancy binay to give speech. she might not show up, and plunge the country into darkness, in support of earth hour.
jorge bernas says
@ moonie,
Dahil sa pagpilit ni vice pres. binay na tumakbo ang anak na si nancy sa senado ay nalaglag ang magaling at matalinong si ex.sen. gordon sayang na sayang si gordon kumpara kay nancy na kulang ang kaalaman at takot makipag debate…
Dahil sa pinilit ni vice pres. jojo binay si nancy binay gayong kulang sa kaalaman at takot makipag debate ay responsibilidad ni vice pres. binay kong ano man ang kahihinatnan ni nancy binay sa senado…dito na natin makikita ang kaalaman ni nancy? pero nanghihinayang ako kay dick gordon na magaling at matalino… tingnan natin…
moonie says
latest I heard the city of makati spend 19.3 millions on give away cakes. tama pala ako, overpriced yong mga cakes. nancy binay says she has nothing to do with those cakes, it’s her hubby’s concern daw.
jorge bernas says
@ cha,
Ang sulat nang C.B.C.P. ay binaliwala nang mga mamamayan dahil kong ang sarili nilang bakuran ay hindi nila kayang linisin paano sila igagalang, tapos gusto pa nang C.B.C.P. diktahan ang kagustuhan nang nakararami na Pabor sa R.H. Bill sana nirespeto nalang nila ang kagustuhan nang mga mamamayan,….Sana hindi nalang silang taga C.B.C.P. nakialam pa dahil nadagdagan na naman ang kanilang kahihiyan…
moonie says
I bet those letters of the cbcp were recycled and made into toilet paper. some bums will be itching!
zamera says
Harharhar. I’d love a book collection of these humorous pieces :D
*** (nagkaroon nga dati ng Erap jokes book, di mas dapat na ang mga sulat ni sir Alan maisaaklat rin kasi mas natawa ako, at pihong mas marami pang iba ang naaliw sa pagbabasa sa kanyang mga akda)***