Inside Philippine politics & beyond

Why lawmakers like stem cell therapy

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Finally, the truth is out.

There are lawmakers who will brave needles and resort to death-defying treatments just to live a little bit longer. Like the newly-resigned Senate President “Manong” Johnny Ponce Enrile who has never been seen with white hair in all his senior citizen years.

At the age of 89, he actually looks a quarter of a century younger.

Enrile’s secret? Stem cell therapy.

It is for this reason that my journalist-hubby Alan decided to look for “the elusive medical expert” on such treatments – Dr. Krietz von Poltroon – for a cock-eyed interview. Here is what Alan wrote:

Don’t limit stem cells for congressmen

Hot Manila – by Alan Robles

Congressmen should be allowed to have themselves injected with “gallons” of stem cells, a “medical expert” declared yesterday.

According to Dr. Krietz von Poltroon, “government attempts to regulate stem cells are futile! Doomed to failure! You will never escape, Batman. Never! Muwahaha!”

He then said, “excuse me”, before proceeding to inject himself with a viscous green fluid extracted from a small grubby bottle.

“Ahhh, there, so much better”, he said in a calmer voice seconds later.

Speaking in his plush bunk room serving as his clinic at a backpacker hostel in Mabini, von Poltroon denied stem cells were being administered by dubious “specialists.”

“Some of them are prominent — they’re wanted in at least four countries. You can’t get any more famous than that.”

Stem cell treatment caught public attention recently because of news that at least three congressmen died after receiving injections.

To read the rest, please click on this link.

 

Comments

  1. The Philippines remains on the Watch List in 2012. The United States is encouraged by the significant decline in the incidence of unauthorized camcording of motion pictures in theaters that followed the enactment of the Anti-Camcording Act of 2010. Philippine officials also improved enforcement efforts, leading to the closure of at least two significant notorious markets. In addition, the Philippine Supreme Court promulgated long-awaited IPR procedural rules in 2011. The United States is hopeful that effective implementation of these rules will help streamline the judicial process for IPR cases. The United States encourages the Philippines to strengthen the criminal enforcement of IPR by improving the quality of criminal investigations and prosecutions. The Philippines should also clarify its procedures for obtaining provisional measures, including by improving predictability with respect to search and seizure orders. The United States urges the Philippines to enact long-pending legislation to amend its copyright law and ensure that it fully implements the WIPO Internet Treaties. The United States remains concerned about amendments to the Patent Law that limit the patentability of certain chemical forms unless the applicant demonstrates increased efficacy. The United States encourages the Philippines to provide an effective system for protecting against the unfair commercial use, as well as unauthorized disclosure, of test or other data generated to obtain marketing approval for pharmaceutical and agricultural chemical products. The United States also remains concerned about policies that inhibit U.S. exports of IPR-intensive products to the Philippines, including measures that limit the market for imported pharmaceutical products. The United States looks forward to continuing to work with the Philippines to address these and other matters.

    • Excuse me, why are you repeating what the US Trade Representative said hook line and sinker?

      Why are you swallowing their statements against the Philippine Patent Law, statements which favor multinational drug companies? Statements which are detrimental to the Filipino poor?

    • @dsg,
      you may also say or tell that to china and malaysia.
      and india(for pharma products).

  2. im putting up a sign on my greenhouse. “Stems Sale”. i expect a lot of political clients.

  3. hahaha.
    sumakit ang tiyan ko katatawa.
    sana ay dito na mag-practise sa Pnas si dr. von poltroon.
    patok siya sa mga politiko natin.

    • ha, ha, ha, they might even make dr von poltroon a fellow senator, honorary chairman of the house and in charge of their health.

  4. Stem Cell therapy ??? Okay lang, huwag kokontra at ibigay lang ng ibigay sa mga senador, kongresista, generals at mga pari !!! Walang tututol !!! Ang pumalag, killjoy !!! Ang paniniwala nila, ito ay makakadagdag ng “katalinuhan, “makakabata” , ” lumalakas” ang libido at makakagaling sa mga “sakit” . Maganda siguro kung mayroon, ang i-inject ay yung selula ng balimbing, hunyango, buwaya at daga.

    • yes, danny g, give them stem cell therapy by the buckets! make them all young and musmus again crawling in their diapers, uhugin at tulala at walang isip. injected with immature stem cells that may carry genetic imprints of their ancestors, DNAs of their ancestors that were once troglodytes and neandethals.

  5. I will ‘connect’ this off-topic maybe…living longer? Steam full-blast ahead for eternity? Even members of clergy believes flashy expensive cars will make them live longer. But the Pope
    says otherwise –

    “WHAT WOULD JESUS DRIVE? POPE TELLS PRIESTS TO BUY “HUMBLE” CARS
    Reuters
    July 7, 2013, 4:39 am
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    Reuters © Enlarge photo
    VATICAN CITY (Reuters) – Pope Francis said on Saturday it pained him to see priests driving flashy cars, and told them to pick something more “humble”.

    As part of his drive to make the Catholic Church more austere and focus on the poor, Francis told young and trainee priests and nuns from around the world that having the latest smartphone or fashion accessory was not the route to happiness.

    “It hurts me when I see a priest or a nun with the latest model car, you can’t do this,” he said.

    “A car is necessary to do a lot of work, but please, choose a more humble one. If you like the fancy one, just think about how many children are dying of hunger in the world,” he said.”

    Jesus won’t drive but ride…on a flashy four-legged [not wheels] DONKEY only!

    Btw…try to live longer & one suffers more of it. You want to?

  6. very funny, alan. dr von poltroon seems a certified mental ward patient. nakaeskapo yata. I’d go after him with a straight jacket, maybe hit him over the head with a rolled up newspaper, knock him out flat with the best known muscle relaxant I know, works all the time. then I’d keep him in isolation ward with 24hr cctv monitoring in case he does something real silly like drinking his own piss, climbing on the wall thinking he’s spiderman, etc.

    I’m surprised you managed to have conversation with him, with you intact and not harmed. you did right, though, never taking your eyes off him, and never turning your back on him. cause the moment you do – god forbids! I would not want to witness.

  7. I almost fell off my seat for laughing out loud. Don’t be jealous Ms. Raissa but I love your husband!

    Stem cell treatments should definitely be given to congressmen, senators and to Maynilad and Manila Water executives. My friend’s water bill zoomed up to Php 5000 several months ago and he was not even at home.

  9. stem cell therapy – it arrests ageing of body cells.

    does it also arrest the degeneration of the brain cells?

    or does it accelerate degeneration of the brain and other organs of the body?

    that even if it makes one look younger, the brain gets drained?

    • You raised very interesting points.

      Actually, we don’t know what happens to the entire body.

      Only to cells and groups of cells.

      • I think, after having been in contact with the oh-so-world-famous dr von poltroon, alan knows now that cells, brains cells, blood cells, squamous cells, basal cells – the building blocks that made up the human body – can sometimes be unpredictable and developed downright nasty traits and show their traitorous nature. cells have been known to attack each other, immunosuppressed or kill each other, and bring their human host closer to oblivion.

        I’d have the hotel room dr von poltroon was holed in thoroughly cleaned and vaccummed, in case he left behind incriminating cells, replecating cells that look for new human host to colonize, ha, ha, ha.