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Hotmanila.ph is back with a bang – exclusive interview with 2 bacteria

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By Raïssa Robles

For years, my hubby Alan could not update his satirical site because it was so tedious and mind-bending, using Dreamweaver.

 But now, thanks to Drupal programmer Jeriel Lopez, Alan may soon be able to do regular updates. 

Thank you, BenCy (Ruben Canlas Jr.), for recommending Jeriel to us.

Here’s the first update – an exclusive interview with two bacteria.

That’s right.

Because they felt so grossly offended by certain news reports, two of them broke an eons-old code of silence and disdained to be interviewed by Alan.

But because they both refused to be photographed, Alan had to call on artist Vincent Trinidad to do a kind of court sketch on one of the interviewees. We thank Vincent Trinidad for his rapid response.

Flesh eating bacteria deny reports they’re invading the Philippines

By Alan Robles

Flesh-eating bacteria yesterday denied they were invading the Philippines, dismissing news reports of such an attack as “a stupid hoax.”

In an exclusive interview conducted via microscope, two of the organisms — one of which identified itself as Sid Bafarges-Bacterium and the other as “just Duane” — scoffed at the sensationalist reports.

“Why would we invade the Philippines…what was that province again? Why would we go there? Is there something immunologically delicious there?”, Bafarges-Bacterium asked.

Early this week, a report by a TV network claimed an outbreak in Pangasinan province of the dreaded necrotizing fasciitis, a rare bacterial infection that destroys skin and muscle tissue. The story was based on a reporter’s interview of just two people with alleged “mysterious” skin ailments. To emphasize the medical seriousness of the report, the reporter wore a mask and what looked like a protective suit.

To read the rest, please click on this link.

 

Comments

  1. Justice Assistant Secretary Geronimo Sy allayed fears that the government will place Filipino citizens under surveillance.

    “The fear on surveillance should not cramp the need for everyday law enforcement,” he said. “The fear of surveillance should be tempered by very strict administrative checks, the exercise of oversights of agencies, that our NBI which is beside me, will not do things with special knowledge that has been specially given,” referring to the National Bureau of Investigation.

    Sy said an online libel provision was not included when the law was originally crafted.

    “So it bled our hearts… that for such as a technically simple and good piece of legislation that we end up having to defend it,” he said. – With Marvin Sy” PhilStar news

    …’so it bled our hearts’…Now, bleed to death that libel law(s) forever if Daan Matuwid is to live forever!

  2. Lagging behind…Sandiganbayan, acc to SP Drillon

    “MANILA, Philippines – Senate President Franklin Drilon lamented on Thursday that it takes the Sandiganbayan an average of seven years to dispose of a case, from the filing of the information to the promulgation of judgment.

    “This dismal rate of disposition reflects the heavily clogged dockets of the court, given that the cases filed before it has multiplied over the years. Such a drawn-out process of litigation is injustice in itself,” Drilon said.”

    Why should there be always a 3 justices to hear such cases? At the RTC level only 1 judge can try each case. The proposed amendment is not going to help. Instead of adding more judges at the court, only 1 judge is enough to decide a case.

    Appointing authority should not appoint any candidate over 60 years of age. Mandatory Mental and Physical medical examination every 3 years until the day of retirement.

    Mandatory 24 months from filing to promulgation of judgement…failure incurs FINES equivalent to 2 months salary.

    Limit any and all ‘motions’ early on to not more than 5 from filing until submission for decision.

    Mandatory issuance of warrant of arrests for witnesses’ failure to appear who are notified.

    Trials must start on the 3rd month from filing of cases. Fees P20,000.00 must be paid for it’s motion to postpone trial/hearing after a case was agreed on for hearing.

    Bla bla & BLA! Many innovations or amendments can be made under the sun & the moon! Do It!

    Justice delayed IS JUSTICE DENIED…to the people!

  3. new! binay is forming his own party and he plans to get Vilma Santos for his VP.
    Ano ba ito? Artista na naman? I know she is Gov. in Batangas, but i’m tired of having actors and Actresses in the senate, Congress and as highest and second highest Official of the land. Kung gano’n rin lang, di si Robredo na ang kandidata natin for vice-pres. and maybe veteran politician like pimentel.

    • He he @ pelang… Ala na tayong magawa nyan ,, sa 2022 si PAQUIAO nga ay tatatkbo ng pagka presidente… Susmaryosep,, Bnay’s gimmick lang nyan , to stay away with Enrilles, Estradas and Revillas , PDAF SCAM…bago mag 2016,, sama sama uli mga iyan..

  4. Mang Tony, fellow barber of Mang Bernie, just read this somewhere…

    MUNTINLUPA CITY, Philippines. Bacteria are up in arms in the Research Institute for Tropical Medicine in Filinvest City, Alabang.

    Streptococcus pyogenes, Staphyloccoccus aureus, and Mycobacterium leprae are furious due to the lack of formal attribution to the diseases they were causing in humans in tri-media as well as in social media. Streptococcus, in its violent displeasure, even blames Titococcus sottus, the ubiquitous resident at the Senate grounds, of masterminding the plagiaristic attitude of some of their colleagues in the microscopic world. Likened to the elder Senator Guingona, Strep, as he is fondly called by microbiologists, said, “I accuse Titococcus sottus of this blatant disregard of intellectual property rights and copyright laws that it has sown among the germs of the earth. I and two other bacteria demand a full investigation on this matter of unlawful copying by some elements in the micro-society.”

    Titococcus was not around for comment when the Senate beat reporters tried contacting him. It was done right after Lysol spraying of the grounds.

    Note: Any resemblance to the names of living creatures included in this report is purely coincidental. (Julius Lalim for the Associated Micro-Press).

  5. Since we are all having fun…..please allow me to throw in something that is off-topic but is in fact a daily pox upon all our houses…..

    I am echoing an idea that has been proposed by Elections Lawyer…Romy Macalintal…

    What do you think will happen if…by popular will….Congress is shut down? An enforced vacation, say, for about five years…..Imagine the savings? With FOI, we can even do away with circuses in aid of legislation.

    Alan, can you please start the ball rolling. Satire and lampoons are natural allies of the righteous and sincere abused and fed-up citizen-reformists. Who knows, CPM may just be able to start the balling rolling!!!!

  6. I just have to share with you guys this post from Rey Sto Domingo on Facebook –

    A man received a message from his neighbor:

    “Sorry sir, I am using your wife. . . day and night. . .when you are not at home. . .In fact, more than you; I confess because now I feel very much guilty. . .Hope you will accept my sincere apologies”.

    . . . And the man shot his wife. . .

    A few minutes later, he received another message:

    “Sorry sir, wrong spelling. . . wifi pala, not wife”.

        • Another joke on wifi – an interview with an aspiring software developer:

          Q – Are you married?
          A – I don’t have a wife, but I do have wifi. I find that it meets all my social and intellectual needs.
          Q. Do you miss the warmth of human contact?
          A. Never tried it. Sounds like problematic.

  7. Indeed, Bfarges-Bacterium’s common defense is denial like the existing leproseria-deniitis [leptro-iitis, for short] disease found in the senate and lower House…always deny.

    Lepro-iitis has developed an immunitiis against all broad-spectriis anti-biotiis medicine! One treatment after another only results in multipliism among these kind.

    This has become a dreaded infectioniitis that specifically go for bags of money! Not skins, tissues or bones though. Moneytiis! That their delicacy day in day out.

    Their existence is a mystery to all medical science. Attack one, specially in the Lower, the rest or many come to the defense of that one.

    Same attack at the Upper, the rest clamped up and refuse to spread the medicine. There is a total silence. Some old specie of this kind just want to glove-to-glove duel in another battle field, so to say.

    Burning has not yet been applied to this lepro-tiis kind lately although it has been done in eons ago to kill it. Time will tell when leproteria-deniitis will be burned to eradicate it.

    Sunog!