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A cock-eyed guide to today’s SONA

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It’s a hot-air balloon. No, it’s a — senator.

Today is the day that lawmakers and all those who matter in the Philippine government dress to the nines. And Senator Nancy Binay is no exception.

On this momentous day, she has apparently taken something out-of-the-ordinary as her clothing inspiration:

UPDATE:

Turns out, Senator Nancy Binay wore two gowns today. One for the Senate session in the morning and another for the SONA.

Lest we be distracted by her wardrobe from the more important aspects of the President’s State of the Nation Address (SONA), my hubby Alan has put together this fun guide for you and your children and all those children still to be born:

Understanding the SONA

Hot Manila – by Alan Robles

Today is a very important day. It’s that time of the year when the President goes over to Congress and, in a moving ceremony, pounds a large native drum and officially proclaims the start of the pork hunting season.

Just kidding. Actually, SONA — State of the Nation Address — is a political event that directly affects the lives of overwhelming numbers of politicians, reporters, columnists, furrowed-brow TV commentators, spin doctors and coup plotters. A couple thousand people, tops. The rest of the country couldn’t care less, except motorists cursing the traffic jam near Congress.

But because it’s right there on all the TV and radio channels, we may as well try to understand it. So we have prepared this easy to understand, well-organized definitive guide.

The Parts of the SONA

Inside Congress, you have….

The President – some guy who delivers the speech. Scientists suspect it isn’t healthy to be near him. A few SONAs ago, he was with a Supreme Court chief justice and a Senate president — who haven’t been heard from since.

The Speech — a masterpiece of enthralling oratory telling everyone what a great time they’ve been having under this administration. Some listeners hope for surprise announcements, such as the lucky winner of a slightly used condo formerly occupied by an ex-chief justice. Unfortunately this has yet to happen.

To read the rest, please click on this link.

 

Comments

  3. Manoy Reporting from the SONA (Part 2)

    *Manoy –is a retired fighting Tandang Texas ni sabungerong Parekoy

    –
    –
    Eto ang additional report sa akin ni Manoy nong nakapasok sya sa Plenaryp during the SONA

    Nagpalipat lipat sya sa tabi ng mga attendees at nasilip nya ang mga text messages ng mga ito habang nagdedeliver ng speech si PNoy.

    –
    Jenny: Ara ka mangu Butch? Pasensya na sa affidavit ko na parang ikaw ang teacher ko. Sabi kasi nila Enrile at Jinggoy dapat daw idiin kita. Di mo ako masisi Apo, promised nyo magiging state witness ako, bakit si Mareng Ruby lang? Sorry na. Tulong lang please, pwede huwag ako ilipat sa Bicutan? Paki check lang yung 20M sa account mo, transferred na raw sabi ni Jimmy. Good faith lang yun ha, tulad ng DAP nyo.

    Abad: Mapya! Jenny, ang nakaraan ay nakaraan na. Nahuli ka sorry ka. Hwag na mang damay at baka ay mangyari pa sayo. Go with the flow ka nalang para hindi na madamay si Jimmy at si Jean. Salamat sa 20M. Kumusta daw ng mga kaibigan natin sa Batanes. Ganda ng shades mo, saan mo nabili yan? Bibilhan ko rin kasi bilhan si Dina. Pray pag may time.

    –
    Nancy: Dad, huwag pikon. Namumutla ka noong pasaring ni PNoy sa “madilim na balak”. Easy lang, madali na ang 2016, angat ka pa rin sa survey dahil marami pa ring mangmang na Pilipino. Hayaan mo pagkatapos na SONA, ipagtitimpla kita ng kape na paborito mo!

    Jojo: Nancy, hayup na Mar yan, ipinagpilitan daw na isingit ang pasaring na yan sabi sa akin ni Packy. Anak, mahal kita pero pwede ba magpalit ka ng gown mo. Para kang karakter sa isang Disney movie. Looking forward sa Kape mo, tagal na ring miss ko yan simula ng ma promote ka sa Senado. Presidential ba ang dating ko?

    –
    Junjun: Dad, nagtipid na naman si Nancy. Ilokano tayo pero sana pag ganitong may okasyon, eh kumuha naman ng magaling na designer. Dad, pinakiaalaman ni Nancy yung mga tela ng mga ipinapagawang kong payong. Yun nga palang rekords doon sa Parking Building, nalinis na namin yung iba. Yung ibang files nga pala nasa vault mo ba?

    Jojo: Junior. Easy ka lang kay Nancy, ngayon lang yan nakalabas. Alam mo naman na grabe ang inferiority complex nyan. Syempre alam nya tatabi sya kay Grace, Pia, Loren, at kay Cynthia, eh kailangan porma rin ng konti. Hayaan mo learning experience nya yan. Yung ibang files nasa vault. Huwag ka mag-alala solve lahat iyan pag naging Presidente ang Daddy mo. Presidential ba dating ko?
    –
    Enrile: Ania ti damag dita? Mr. Future President, coordinate ka sa mga tao ko. Strategize natin kung papaano i-ride yung dissatisfaction ng tao kay PNoy para impeached sya di ikaw na ang Presidente. Kung kailangan mo ng mga armas at bomba, coordinate ka lang ki Greg. Ingat, natuto na si PNoy, dami na nyang security. Kung may mangyari man sa akin, ikaw na bahala kay Jack, hwag ng i-reopen yung mga kaso.

    Jinggoy: Mr. Future President! Bilib ka ba sa strategy ko, damay damay na lahat, e di ikaw ang panalo. Coordinate na lang kay Daddy kung papaano i-destabilize si PNoy. Huwag nyong isali si JV, traydor yan, gustong sya lang ang nasa Senado at ako ay nakakulong. Pag napuno ako, ilalabas ko yung video nila ng boyfie nya. Bahala na kami sa Manila saka San Juan, ikaw na sa Makati. Sige at mag to-tong-its pa kami ni Pareng Bong. Ang hina pala ng Ulo ni Pareng Bong, di marunong sa math, dami nya ng utang sa akin, milyones na. Patay sya kay Lani, bawas yung mga PADF, DAP, at mga raket nya sa DPWH :)

    Sotto: Mr. Future President! Tulungan natin ang mga Kaibigan sa UNA, ginigipit. Gusto silang i-transfer din sa Bicutan. Paki remind si Ochoa na mag tanim sya ng doubt kay PNoy tungkol sa petition na ito na sana hindi matuloy. Maghahain kami ni Greg ng panukala sa Senado. Copy!

    Greg: Mr. Future President! Sabihin mo lang, take over natin ang Malakanyang. Tutuluyan ko na yan, maswerte sya sa leeg lang yung tama noong panahon ng Nanay nyang walang alam, sa sunod sa ulo na!

    Enrile: Greg, cool ka lang bata. Kami na ang bahala mag-isip hindi mo forte yan. Wait for your orders okay?
    –
    Korina: Honey, tingnan mo si Nognog, namumutla bigla noong binaggit ni PNoy yung isiningit mong pasaring sa speech! Ha ha ha! Hon, Gwapo ka sa salamin mo. Na text ko na si Inday, yung jacuzzi eh handa na, saka yung tub puno na ng bubbles. May sorpresa ako tonight, masusubukan mo ang bagon Pussykips. May premyo ang future President sa akin ngayong gabi! Hi hi hi. Mukha ba akong First Lady?

    Mar: Shssh. Hwag masyado ang tawa. Pigil hindi yan pang First Lady. Demure ka ng konti. Patay tung Kumag na ito, huhubaran namin ito sa Kongreso, plunderer ang Putang_i_a yan. Punyeta ang hayup, kundi pa ako na 1,2,3 ng mga kapatid ni PNoy ako sana ang VP. F_ck! Yari tong Kampon ng Kadiliman sa PCOS! Sorry Hon nakakapag-init talaga yang Ha_up na yan. Hon pwede bang isama natin si Inday sa tub, sexy at maganda naman sya, saka diselang at mukhang tight-tight pa? Sige na para adventurous. Pramis, hindi ako magmumura, pero yung buddy ko lang sa baba ang magmumura! ;-)

    –
    Tupas: Maayong Gabi-i! Boss, handa na ang tropa sa pag-grill natin sa SC. Yun nga palang parte ko dagdagan mo naman. Putsa boss, 700M pala yun sayo, balato naman. Boss, pumupogi ka ata, pumapayat ka ngayon ah.

    Drilon: Maayo man Niel! Kailangan yung paraan ng pag grill nyo huwag bastusin ang SC. Patay tayo jan sa publiko. Propesyunal ang dating. Hayaan mo, alam naman natin kung sino ang mga nababayaran jan, may bank records tayo sa mga transactions. Gusto nila ng hardball, di bigyan para magising. Noong panahon ni Gloria, dali nilang pakiusapan, ngayon ng hindi kurap si PNoy, masyado namang istrikto. Pag ito si Leonen ay naghudas pa, ilalabas namin yung video scandal nya. Niel, hindi kita binubukulan, nakalimutan ko lang, hayaan mo sa probinsya na tayo mag-usap man Dong.

    –
    Jenny: Frankie! Kumusta. For old times sake naman, pwede bang huwag nyo na akong ilipat sa Bicutan. Na receive mo ba yung 20M saka bagong bonggang gold and platinum pen, na ipinadala ni Jimmy? Friendship naman, paki lang ha, tingnan mo hindi kita isinasabit.

    Drilon: Jenny, hwag ka ng mag text sa akin. Kung may sasabihin ka , kay Pareng Jimmy mo na lang ipadaan. Hayaan mo, tingnan ko magagawa ko. Ingat sa Bicutan delikado jan. Check ko account ko. Pwedeng dalawa ng pen, para may reserba? Pakidagdagan ng weighing scale, daling kasing masira. Sige Friendship, at nakikinig ako kay PNoy.
    –
    Juana Change: Brother, Bigatin ang dating mo jan sa podium. I know our Mom is proud!

    Jessica Soho: Bro, congratulations, talaga naman, bigatin talaga. Huwag masyadon nganga at magmukha kang litson na kulang na lang ay apple. Biro lang Bro, gwapo ka sa amin ni Juana:

    Drilon: Sisters! Pogi ba dating? Pumayat ba ako? Nag lose ako ng 20 pounds eh. Sige na muna at busy rito.

    –
    Carpio: Malou, good afternoon! Ganda ng gown mo. Advice lang, be gracious, ngiti ng konti at hwag masyadong serious. Nasa atin ang simpatya ng Taong Bayan.

    CJ Sereno: Tony, thank you sa paalala. Wow, what a surprise, coming from someone who never show any emotions! Hayaan mo, pag nag emotianla break down ako at nadepressed, mag reresign ako sa dami ng sakit ng ulo sa mga kaso dito sa SC. Grabe pa pressure ng Malacanyang. I will make sure na recommended kita as Chief Justice, you deserved it naman talaga! Yung SALN nga pala, ano reconciled na ba sa mga income nyo. Ayusin nya at mahirap lumusot sa mga alam kung pano gumawa ng kalokohan. May araw din yan si Niel. Review nga natin yung kaso ng tatay, please lang.

    –
    Boy: Kris, BFF, Super ganda naman ng gown mo! Bongga bongga! Galing mo palang mag cry sa tunay na buhay, sana ma ulit mo yan sa movies, nahihiya sayo nyan si Nora! BFF, kita mo ba yung gown ni Nancy, cheap, para syang malaking payong no! Ugly duckling talaga sya!

    Kris: Boy, BFF! Grabe, grabeeh! Beauty ba ako talaga. Sa tingin mo nagisisi ba si Bistek sa pag dump nya sa akin? Ito namang si Bistek, akala mo kung sinong Daku, 5 inches lang naman ang yabang pa nya kuya Boy. Hindi nya alam, try ko lang sya para maiba naman. Kasi bago lang kasi ako noong opera kay Belo, yung Pussykip. Bonga Bonga, like a virgin ako Boy. Try ko lang si Bistek para hwag naman agad masira, ang mahal pa naman. Kailangan from small, medium, large, extra large, at Jumbo and dapat na sequence para balik ang invesment ko sa keps ko. Boy balitaan kita kung meron nang “tumbongkip” para naman hindi ka mapagkamalan ng may limang anak. BFF, pasensyahan mo na lang si Nancy. Kakampi ko si Tito Jojo. Siempre kanino ba naman magmamamana yan, pero hayaan mo na. Criticize mo nalang yung kay Koring na gown, feeling nya sya ang sunod na First Lady. Pero natuto rin ako dyan kay Koring. Noon sila pa ni Kuya Noy, nabosohan ko sila sa kwarto ni Kuya, grabe yan si Koring, daming posisyon na alam, may pasirko-sirko pa, wheel borrow, at helicopter! Kaya maswerte rin si Mar, maluluma si Margie Holmes dyan kay Koring. Sige na at pinupunasan ko pa ang bumabaha kong luha. See you BFF!

    –
    Pia: Grace, kita mo ba yung gown ni Nancy? Super baduy ano?

    Grace: Oo nga, walang taste. Nahalata ko lagi kang tumatabi sa kanya, mukha gusto mong tumabi sa ugly duckling para tumingkad lalo ang German Beauty mo? Tingnan mo si Cynthia, ganon ang strategy.

    Cynthia: Grace, wag mo akong ibuko. Thank you kay Nancy kundi, ako ang pag-uusapan nyo. Hi hi hi…

    Loren: Pia, Grace, Cynthia, kayo naman huwag laitin. As protector ng ating kalikasan saka mga indigenous people, huwag naman tayong racist sa mga Binay. In fact according sa genes nila, may lahi silang Aeta. Maiba nga pala, may napansin ba kayong manok na sumusuot sa ilalam ng gowns nyo. Parang may nakita kasi ako kanina, at mukhang nagawi pa nga kay Mommy Di?
    –
    –
    –
    Parekoy
    07/29/2014
    Posting after sexting

      • Naughty Netty! Liked!

        I didn’t know that you are also naughty.

        Eto yung teaser…

        Dahil nauhaw si Manoy, tumungo sya sa CR ng Kongresso. Uminom sya sa bowl. Saglit lang pumasok na ang mga mambabatas para mag jingle. Lumipad sya sa taas ng cubicle. Kita nya pumasok si Joker at ihing ihi at inilabas ang kanyang ari. May tattoo, nakasulat ay ELF. Di kalakihan pag luntoy. Pero noong hinimas nya, naku may itinatago pala si Joker. Yung 3 pulgada naging 8.5 pulgada! Pinagmasdan ko, yun palang tattoo nya ay EL FILIBUSTERISMO NI RIZAL.!

        Wow, ma -i-insevure nito si Parekoy pag kuwento ko to sa kanya mamaya.

        May pumasok sa tabing cubicle, si Colmenares…

        Abangan

    • Sir Parekoy, Oks na Oks ang posting mo. Super-tawa ako !!! How about naman Alcala, Petilla, Villanueva, Tobi T, T Tinio, Casino, Bongbong, Imee, De Lima and Dinky added to the fray. Surely, your Manoy could provide their share of issue. Just the same, wait na lang ako sa “, si Colmenares… Abangan” !!!

    • @parekoy,
      salamat at di mo ako binigo.
      inabangan ko talaga ang series na ito.
      alam kong may kasunaod pa.
      hahaha…

  5. POP QUIZ HOTSHOT
    Match the SONA celebrity with the designer.

    1. Senator Grace Poe a. Mandaya tribe of Davao
    2. wife of Senator Sonny Angara b. Joey Samson
    3. Senator Loren Legarda c. Paras Helium Balloons and Party Favors, Inc.
    4. Senator Cynthia Villar d. Randy Ortiz
    5. Senator Nancy Binay e. Noli Hans
    6. Rep Lucy Torres f. Roulette Esmilla
    7. Makabayan bloc ladies g. 中国共产党 (Communist Party of China)

    • These Makabayan Bloc Ladies are thriving in Democratic government but wanted to change to Communism? Are these people will allow opposition in case the government is Communism? 1000% they will kill all people who will oppose communism…

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Communism

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Communist_Manifesto
      The section goes on to defend communism from various objections, such as the claim that communists advocate “free love”,
      and the claim that people will not perform labour in a communist society because they have no incentive to work.[14]
      The section ends by outlining a set of short-term demands:

      1.Abolition of property in land and application of all rents of land to public purposes.
      2.A heavy progressive or graduated income tax.
      3.Abolition of all right of inheritance.
      4.Confiscation of the property of all emigrants and rebels.
      5.Centralisation of credit in the hands of the State, by means of a national bank with State capital and an exclusive monopoly.
      6.Centralisation of the means of communication and transport in the hands of the State.
      7.Extension of factories and instruments of production owned by the State; the bringing into cultivation of waste-lands,
      and the improvement of the soil generally in accordance with a common plan.
      8.Equal liability of all to labour. Establishment of industrial armies, especially for agriculture.
      9.Combination of agriculture with manufacturing industries; gradual abolition of the distinction between town and
      country, by a more equitable distribution of the population over the country.
      10.Free education for all children in public schools. Abolition of children’s factory labour in its present form and
      combination of education with industrial production.

    • http://www.mb.com.ph/pnoy-seeks-budget-for-dap-projects/

      President Aquino, apparently learning his lesson from the flak he got over the Disbursement Acceleration Program (DAP), yesterday asked Congress to pass the 2014 supplemental budget to enable the executive branch to continue projects funded under the economic stimulus program that were discontinued because of the recent Supreme Court (SC) ruling.

      He also pledged to fight for the welfare of the Filipino people even at the cost of his life.

      “The Filipino is definitely worth fighting for,” the President said, his voice cracking a few times.

      “That is why we are proposing the passage of a supplemental budget for 2014 so that programs and projects will not be hampered,” Aquino said in Filipino.

      …worth changing for.

      • http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/focus/11/19/13/sc-ruling-pdaf-political-yolanda

        In the Philippines and in other countries, the pork barrel system is widely seen as a tool for a President to wield control and influence over Congress.

        With the Supreme Court’s decision to declare the pork barrel system unconstitutional, analysts believe the President’s way of doing business with Congress is about to change.

        Change was predicted…change it is going to be…

    • In SONA magna, et pauper!

      De quo factus est magnus.

      Pauperum perfecta est quod tacetur.

      The SONA was great and poor!

      Great of what was accomplished.

      Poor what was not spoken as accomplished.

      *Utrimque ab sonadores! Utrimque ab pooradores!*

      “Thumbs up by the sonadores! Thumbs down by the pooradores!”

  7. Thumbs up and hoorraayy to PNoy. In his burning desire to improve the well-beings of his constituents, he sometimes made short-cuts that led to legal problems – but the intent to produce results on many projects from whatever source is always present in his mind. Any obstacle he encounters understandably annoys him, being human, but surely he’ll devote the remaining years of his term to hasten the development of the country.

    In his speech, he informed the public that the numerous projects affected by the SC’s unconstitutional ruling will be legalized by congress through supplemental budgets – thereby assuring us of their completion before his term ends in 2016.

    He was somewhat unsure that his “daang matuwid” would be continued by his successor – a reminder to all of us that we should be careful and choosy in voting for the next president who must be incorruptible like him and dedicated to the service of the nation.

    • Yes, I will advice my love ones to vote the ones who will be continuing the PNOY system. The future of the grand children depend on the good governance and zero corruptions…..