A humor column
Some years before Rodrigo Duterte became the Philippine president, he visited Beijing.
Here he is posing with his man Friday, Bong Go, on Tiananmen Square.
Duterte must have secretly nursed much admiration for China. And absolutely none for the United States which would not give him a visa. (See what happens, US, if you keep rejecting visa applications? How many more future world leaders are you pissing of, I wonder.)
To mark the historic emergence of a new spokesman for China on the world stage, Alan thought he would write the following column.
OPINION: China willing to share Philippines with Filipinos
Posted at Mar 20 2017
China is more than willing to share the Philippines with Filipinos, Beijing said yesterday.
According to official China spokesperson Rodrigo Duterte, “there’s no need to be greedy, there is more than enough Philippines to go around.”
“Equal shares with equal brothers,” he added.
The spokesperson said China was making the “generous offer in the light of the extra warm relations between our countries.” The announcement came after the two countries signed a groundbreaking agreement called the “Extra Close Special Luv Kiss Kiss” treaty.
Part of the agreement will see the Philippines receiving billions of yuan in loans, a national railway called the China’s Durable Railroad (CDR) and fentanyl.
“We particularly value the fentanyl,” said a Filipino diplomat who asked not to be identified.
The Philippines promises (among other things) to stop using the name “West Philippine Sea” (WPS) and instead adopt the “proper nomenclature” – “Very Much China’s Sea Oh Yes Indeedy” (VMCSOYI).
China, for its part, will invest heavily in the Philippines and buy more products such as bananas, copies of the Duterte Manifesto, and Filipino entertainment series. One Chinese politician said, “China would like to the rights to that famous comedy show, ‘The Senate Hearings.’ It’s a big hit in Beijing.”
Chinese officials “strenuously” denied rumors the Philippines had actually turned itself over to China, which officially responded with a statement, “Awww you shouldn’t have, but thanks.”
To read the rest, please click on this link.