Inside Philippine politics & beyond

A Fabulous tour of Manila in the time of Duterte

Share:

A humor column –

One of my hubby Alan’s early incarnations as a journalist was covering travel and tourism.

Since tourism is a very familiar beat to him, he was inspired by what the current Tourism Secretary Wanda Teo said to “tone down” reports  on killings in the Philippines.

In his most recent humor column, he therefore dregs up old and not-so-old memories of his former news beat and applies it to current events. Perhaps it will pass Wanda Teo’s strict standards in tourism reporting. But then again, it  might not.

He leaves it to you to decide.

OPINION: An officially approved bus tour of Manila

Alan Robles

Posted Mar 28 2017

Mabuhay, everyone! Welcome aboard our bus for our special new tour of our WONDERFUL city of Manila.

I’m your guide, Derma Dementa of MyLabs Tours, and I’m HAPPY to show you around my FABULOUS city. You’ve probably heard all those nasty fake reports about murders and killings and whatnot — THEY ARE LIES! LIES! ALL LIES!

Oh, I’m sorry sir! I didn’t mean to make you jump like that. Did I startle you? Here, let me pick up your glasses.

Are you all settled? Good. Before we start our tour, let me just say I’m so glad that as first-time visitors to my country, you arrived without having to go through THAT AWFUL SCAM in the airport where crooks would plant bullets in your luggage and then extort you. YES! No more “laglag bala” thanks to our GREAT DUTERTE GOVERNMENT! YAY! You are so lucky.

What’s that, you say? You spent three hours sweating in crowded lines in immigration because there weren’t enough personnel because most had resigned because they weren’t getting paid?

WELL WHO WANTS TO KNOW YOUR OPINION BUSTER?

Oh, no, I’m sorry mam, for going off like that. Here, let me put your seat back in the upright position.

There!

Let me tell you something about my company. We are a group of friends who are SICK AND TIRED of all the NEGATIVE PUBLICITY this country has been getting from LYING MEDIA so we pooled our money together and formed a small startup, Obosen Tours, so we can show foreigners the TRUTH.

To read the rest, click on this link.

 

Comments

  1. the latest congress scandal: kabit ni alvarez vs gf (matagal ng living in separate lives sina anton at margie) ni floreindo. 2 close ally ni du30. dahil dito nalagay sa alanganin at kakahiyan ang du30 admin. kaya ang tanong kailan sasali si honeylet?

    • If ”only” a girlfriend….

      MANILA – House Speaker Pantaleon Alvarez on Thursday admitted to
      having “many” children out of wedlock, after conceding that he was in an
      extra-marital relationship.

      Speaking on DZMM Teleradyo, Alvarez said he has a total of 8 children, 6 of whom are out of wedlock.

      “Nung first marriage ko, meron akong 2 anak. ‘Yung second, apat (na anak). Tapos meron pa, dalawa,” he said.

      • you got it, extra marital, katunog ng extra judicial..hehehe,
        ang mga extra-extra, bow..

    • not just that, meron din palang mga by-blows, or mga anak out of wedlock si alvarez, ang pantalon niya’y walang zipper he, he, he, palaging bukas! tsunami! may women surge sina alvarez at floriendo. speaker alvarez is not of good moral character. dapat sana, annul yong marriage niya, bago siya magpakawala ng zipper at maging bigamist pa.

  2. ng dahil sa pinost na picture ng kanyang son-in-law, inamin ni du30 na gumagamit sya ng oxygen concentrator.
    excerpt:
    President Rodrigo Duterte admitted Wednesday that he would use an oxygen concentrator whenever he was sleeping.
    Duterte, who celebrated his 72nd birthday on Tuesday, said this was an effect of his being a longtime smoker.
    In the birthday photos shared by his son-in-law, Manases Carpio, an oxygen concentrator could be seen beside Duterte’s bed in his home in Matina, Davao City.
    Read more: http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/884864/duterte-admits-using-oxygen-concentrator-while-sleeping#ixzz4cjOuAlkl
    Follow us: @inquirerdotnet on Twitter | inquirerdotnet on Facebook

    • medyo inconvenient yan, digong would have to travel overseas with oxygen concentrator in tow. or maybe, the nations hosting him would have to have oxygen ready for him to use. madalas mag-travel si digong overseas, myanmar, thailand and staying there for few days and nights, and now, he’s going to china on long haul flight. he’s a flying zombie.

  3. Frustration

    Nine months into Duterte administration, the sole visible accomplishment is winning the drug war with multiple ejk victims coupled with international condemnation. Is this success? Depends on whom you ask? To those who care about selfish interest on being crime victims, they heap praise on Duterte. Those with compassion and human rights belief, Duterte is devilish.

    Actual Measure of success could be discerned easily from the acts of administration officials. They are not in synchrony with their press releases and too defensive on their accomplishments. if they are elementary pupils, they don’t have anything worthwhile to “show and tell to to the class”. They are failing miserably except in the drug war killing poor people. Oh, Duterte apologized for this feat, hi hi hi.

    So far, success is far from truth. Ever since Duterte took office, LIES, LIES And MORE LIES is their best accomplishment since they are steady on this field.
    Duterte tells a LIE, his peons explains what he means, denies its true meaning and they tell their own tales of lies. If one cabinet member is buried in its garbage of lies, he is thrown out into oblivion. Have you heard from Andanar for the past one month? No, only Abella is talking now! Ditto to Aguirre who was buried by his LIES on AMLA against DeLima. Only Calida is talking now. Yasay was deported to the U.S. for being an American.

    Duterte shifted his strategy of deflecting issues thru his cabinet men to his lapdog in Congress. Speaker Alvarez started threatening foes and allies to be on the news daily. He relieved GMA from deputy speakership, threatened to impeach Robredo, charge their own nan Rep.Floreindo of graft(as if Alvarez is not corrupt to the marrow) and threatens all Barangay officials to be replaced by Duterte. Meanwhile, Duterte dangled dinner date on Leni and daughters including swooning her to marital bliss while Sec Abella is busy flaunting the sovereignty of the Philippines by defending Duterte on complaints by EU based from LIES Duterte hurled against EU, so distant from sovereignty issues of countries.

    Before reaching one year into governing, Duterte administration is in the stage of throwing everything including the kitchen sink to become internationally relevant though his infamosity in a TIME magazine initial survey is being credited as success by his supporters.

    One word describes best the latest acts of Duterte and his men
    FRUSTRATED

    Five years to go, Goodbye Duterte!
    He he he

  4. ‘What murders? What corpses? Those aren’t bodies, they’re, uhm traffic obstacles.’

    . . . traffic obstacles for ‘Turning Left or Right’ along Quezon Avenue. . . ??

    CHR now is positive. . . no evidence that the Adm is connected with the murders! No murders. . . killing only. Bodies. . . those are banana trunks wrapped-up in box tapes!

    ‘I’m not afraid EU will bar us our exports! We can go to Africa. It’s got a lot of Chinese money nowadays! Kunin’ natin!’

    ‘Worst comes to worst, we can dump all our export goods at WPS and Ben Ham Rise. Let’s make islands there too like China!’

    Let us row row our boats to meet Chinese boats gently down our dreams and celebrate!

    • sayang, sabi ng tour guide, I could have taken them tourists to our famous cemeteries, busting to capacity. see, how our dead resurrected, maraming inhabitants ang mga cemeteries, e. live inhabitants happily living day to day and making babies. ang mga tourists na ito walang kwenta, you miss out on sights unseen in europe! in case you’re recovered, come back and book your next trip. next attraction will be laud quarry, things there glow in the dark.

      • Malacanang Palace bright lights during the dinner.

        Diggong getting love on Leni. Diggong is annuludo.

        Ano is Diggong? Babaeero!

        Ano si Leni? Biiuudda.

        Ingat lang baka may mag silos ‘da!

        Love at first dinner night.

        he he

        • I dont know, maybe it’s going to be like frat initiation where there will be a group of digong’s supporters willing to give leni the heave ho. she would have to pass a gaunlet. mabugbug and then sabihin she left dinner early, only to vanish never to be seen again.

          fear not an old man on oxygen concentrator, sex is only in the mind, hindi na yan kaya, he, he he. manunuod na lang yan. kaya, si kitty hindi nasundan.

        • or baka at dinner, luluhod si digong and say, leni, matanda na ako, hapo na ako. I will vacate the presidency, you’re president now. good luck. may you solve all the problems the nation faces.

          pero, duda ako digong will give presidency away. he’d lose immunity and then, baka makulong pa siya. besides, china will want him to stay president for longer, they have invested so much in him, that if digong dies and buried, they would to dig him up.

  5. DWSD executive Lorraine Daboy is supposed to be a medical doctor to oversee drug effects on DWSD roster. She posted on Facebook that EU officials should watch child porn while Robredo and Trillanes should bake cupcakes on their free time instead of criticizing Duterte.

    Daboy must be the dumbest medical doctor in the Philippines if not possessing the most corrupt mentality. DWSD does not run drug clinics so how could she supervise her patients on proper clinical settings to evaluate patients. Daboy must not have trained clinical experience and background to have accepted this position except maybe as a means to earn a living, in the govt way, that is 15/30 pay checks and other corrupt practices. What else! Since most of the patients she would observe under her care are street people without permanent address with more than enough probability, had been abandoned by their relatives.

    Daboy tirade implies a sick and sexually deprived mind with her posting that EU officials should watch child porn instead. Only a person with the mindset of a pedophile herself would make such suggestion. She could have suggested so many other weird things but specifically suggesting child porn reveals the mental capacity of Lorraine Badoy. Suggestion to Robredo and Trllanes to bake cupcakes is the clinger that Badoy is socially and sexually deprived similar to old spinsters where baking cakes or crocheting are usually their outlets. She could have suggested other natural or general people outlet like “go malling or “indulge on TV soap operas”to Robredo and Trillanes, but “bake cupcakes” is so “lonely homely”suggesting the personal character of Badoy.

    Even her picture on her Facebook is so sexually suggestive speaking loudly of her deprivation.
    She should start her own business to be successful. Put up a bank,
    Sperm Bank

    He he he

    • How does Duterte recruit his female executives? Does he give them IQ test or let them turn around in front of him checking their pert derrière and busting boobs?

      Lorraine Daboy is a typical example of his hire. The other is Tourism Secretary Wanda Tulfo Teo who claimed that the reason Philppine tourism is not progressive is due to media publications of extrajudicial killings. Was Wanda hired for her looks or because of her maiden name? Certainly, her mental competence to the position is questionable with her excuse on her poor performance promoting tourism.

      Instead, She should have blamed Cesar Montano whose idea of promoting tourism as Executive Director of Tourism is to stage a pro Duterte rally in Luneta. What the heck is the reason to occupy a tourist spot where tourists can enjoy a day of carefree safety feeling while watching famous Manila bay sunset? Sucking to Duterte is not the answer to promote Philippine tourism.

      Duterte, hire “Leona” your HR chief. She will fire out Teo, Montano and Daboy ASAP
      he he he

      • haw haw the karabaw de batuten, 1st marahil ay pinapakanta sila ni digong, must know the lyrics of the song ikaw, then, they’re given IQ test, anyone scoring above his own score got the boot! the big boot! anyone scoring lower will of course get the job. 2nd requirement is blind obedience, and being able to say aye to all things and everything he says. they have gotta echo and be his sounding board. gina lopez was abomination and court on appointments tried giving her the big boot. pablik opinyon disagree, kaya digong applied soothing salve, magaling daw yang si gina, e and ought to be given chance. did the same to leni too when leni faced impeachment: be lenient to leni raw, or something similar. though, I must say, leni is elected and not appointed, and still got the big boot! from digong’s gabinete.

        • and now, digong is inviting leni to dinner, he, he, he, leni’s body guards ought to inspect the convenience, aka toilet, baka may hidden camera ruon, live footage feed into digong’s laptop, no pun intended po. sus mariang makiling, baka meron advance party naghihintay kay leni, she’ll be surrounded. maam, if you’re tired from the trip here, pls visit the convenience and freshen yourself. then, diner is served. little did leni know what she is dinner! the main course.

        • he, he, he pa more, and now digong is going to fire all baranggay chiefs. wanna bet, next baranggay chiefs will all be women? previous baranggay chiefs need not apply.

        • Uh uh, my fantabulous mind is working overtime. I am uncertain of specifics here, is she flying ?
          BEWARE about planes. It is the most reliable and cleanest way of disappearance. There is no gain if she skips and declines, why now?

        • why now? leni is facing impeachment kasi. at dinner if leni is still standing, sasabihin ni digong, leni, baby, you’re fired! ako and may-ari sa pinas! I own the while archipelago, so pack your things and sibat, save yourself the trouble of contesting impeachment, indefensible ka na! layas!

          no airplane crash for leni pls. her husband kasi died in a plane crash along with the pilot.

    • Now I really do believe the cliche, ‘tell me who your friends are”. It substantially shows in the PH setting with the govt leader circle of friends.Their minds are one and the same, warped. They may have diplomas and degrees but they are wanting in depths and moral compass are malfunctioning.

      What looks? They look empty to me, a sexual serpent robot, no soul; like a rubber ball that bounce back anywhere but unfocused.
      Daboy must be highly monitored for potential pedophilia activities, PERHAPS HER COMPUTER IS LOADED. EH,EH , red flag!
      ” what you spout, says more about you.”,

    • sorry po, not all doctors are sane, I see dr jekyll in lorraine daboy, mayhap she’s advocate of child porn. could it be magic, there is plenty children, orphans, street kids, abandoned kids, lost kids, falling into hands of dswd officials? children are being outsourced yata and rented out, gotta pay for their keep, these tykes. gobyerno ni digong is fast running out of money kasi.